Inspired by the Skinny Girl in Transit Season 4 finale, many Nigerian women are currently praying, each declaring that their own Mide will find them in 2018. Love is too sweet!
Are you looking forward to getting married next year?
- Work with your own resources and let everything that comes from others be nice, welcome bonuses. When you count on money and supplies from others, you set yourself up for disappointment. If you make plans based on money you’re expecting from family and friends, you may sadly find that some are unable to give you as much as you expected, and others unable to give you anything at all. Cut your coat according to your fabric.
- Do a thorough research, agree on a realistic budget and stick to it. Your friends who got married in 2017 are especially helpful here.
- Know the kind of wedding you want. Some people dream of big weddings with lots of fanfare, while some desire a small intimate wedding with just family and close friends in attendance. Some even go to the registry and then have a simple blessing in their pastor’s office. I, for instance, had my traditional wedding and then had the bishop officiate right there in my dad’s home, before heading to the reception. A couple I know had their church wedding on Wednesday evening, and instead of a reception, they gave away packs of food and drinks.
- A solid premarital counselling course can save your life, oh my goodness! Whether you take the classes in church or not, whether you’re having a church wedding or not, and regardless of how many marriage books you have read, seek great premarital counselling. You’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.
- That nosy, or arrogant, or generally annoying aunt and uncle? Resist the temptation to alienate them. Identify the key players in both families (actually, the four families: maternal and paternal relatives on both sides), and ensure that you carry them along and seek their opinion regularly. It’s no use pretending that they are not that important or that the wedding is/should be about both of you and your immediate families. We are Nigerians, and that kind of stubborn “independence” will only see your wedding date and seating arrangements changed 20 times.
- Don’t do anything because people are doing it; do what gives you joy. I got married on the same day as a colleague of mine at the time, so we shared wedding planning notes a lot. She was giddy with happiness just looking forward to seeing her guests wearing her wedding aso-ebi while I, on the other hand, detested the idea of looking around and seeing my guests looking so identical. My colleague told me herself that I was lucky to be free from the aso-ebi buying and selling stress; even so, she wouldn’t give it up for anything! Do you get the point?
- If you’re getting married in a church, make sure that your Church is licensed. Otherwise, (I’m sure your pastors will inform you) make sure you do your registry wedding and then the Blessing of Marriage Ceremony afterwards. There is nothing like “Church Wedding”; there’s the Traditional Marriage which is under Customary Law, and there’s Marriage under The Act which is done in a government registry or a licensed place of worship. If your church isn’t licensed and you “wed” there, you’re not legally married, and that pretty paper they give you is just that: pretty paper.
As we prepare for #TiwaMide2018, I look forward to hearing about other 2018 weddings too. Choose well, plan well, and enjoy the journey!